Intimate relationship can either bring the most happiness or pain. It is one area that can leave scars deeper than any other. Or it can brighten our lives, change our chemistry and allow us to experience the world in a whole new colorful way.
An intimate relationship is an ongoing process of growth. All of the fears and insecurities will be revealed at one point or another. Every person must individually work through their own fears.
We can’t expect our partner to heal us. One can only provide a secret space for us to heal ourselves. We should not put pressure on our intimate partner to heal our old wounds. It is too much for anyone to handle. It is a big burden and no matter how much someone loves us, sooner or later he or she will get exhausted from all that hard work that is required to keep us secure or happy. They may even end up leaving to simply find own peace.
An intimate relationship allows us to notice what it is that triggers us to shut down and to act in a way that we normally would not. The ability to recognize when that feeling is rising is powerful because something ca be done about it. Remember it is an individual journey to healing and self love.
Here are three points that are important to keep in mind:
You must love yourself first. You must be love. A lot of people think that it is about loving their partner and sacrificing their own lives for him or her. It can’t be further from the truth. You can’t give love if you don’t have it inside of you. If you have been running on fumes, overwhelmed, scared, without paying much attention to continuously filling up your own jar, the energy you end up sharing with your partner will be the one of fear, lack, and overwhelm. If you have 10 apples you can share them with your partner. But if you don’t have any apples, no matter how much you want to share some you won’t be able to. Simply because you don’t have any to share. The same applies to giving your love, care, tenderness and other things to your partner. The more you have the more you can give.
When you love yourself first you won’t allow anyone that doesn’t help your growth to stay in your life and occupy the secret space of your intimate partner. We all know a beautiful woman or man that has just been completely destroyed by their ex. We wonder how someone so beautiful and light can end up with such darkness. Perhaps we can relate because that was or maybe is a part of our experience. They just didn’t love themselves enough.
The number one principle to a successful relationship is choosing your partner wisely. Most people haven’t really thought about what it is that they desire to see in their intimate partner. What qualities are important? What should they absolutely not settle for? We are all different and there is no bad or good. We just think differently when it comes to relationships and different things matter. If you meet someone who you like but they don’t have all the qualities that you must have in your partner, move on. If you don’t see eye to eye on how to spend quality time, raise a family, travel etc., then you are better off if you don’t go any deeper. Deep down you already know that it won’t work. Why lie to yourself?
Never stop playing
After you’ve chosen your intimate partner wisely cherish your love, your intimacy, your partnership, your connection. People do so much for each other in the beginning of the relationship and so little later on. When relationship just starting courting, flowers, playfulness is overwhelming. However, it all slows down, becomes less and less as time goes on. Mundane life dominates. We must water grass every day. I once read that great sex at night starts in the morning. With teasing messages, passionate phone calls, or a bouquet of red roses that surely play with women’s chemistry. Without deep emotional connection, there is no opportunity for an ongoing, amazing intimacy. Yes it can be great in the beginning of the relationship but if the emotional side gets disengaged or hurts, intimacy becomes very hard work. Chemical stimulation of the brain and deep loving of the soul will create extraordinary intimate relationships that last.
“The only difference between friendship and intimate relationship is INTIMACY. If that part is missing you might as well be friends.” Anthony Robbins.
May you be the expression of love and feel loved every day!